If I had a dollar for every passive-aggressive dude that deleted me from Facebook because I didn’t want to hookup with them, I would have enough money for a burrito bowl at Chipotle. This should probably make me sad but I really just want some Chipotle now.

Posted 4 months ago with 12 notes

I am so fucking done with this website. Dude’s profile picture is just a damn elbow.

Posted 4 months ago with 5 notes

Anonymous said: Hi! What do you look like? Xxxxxxx 

Yo mama.

Posted 4 months ago with 1 notes

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Well, kinda…

I have been talking to this dude for seriously a month now before we met up. He was a great balance of nerdy, cute, and thick (if you know me, you know I don’t like skinny dudes) so I was pretty hopeful.

We met up at Chipotle and he was wearing the weirdest shit I swear to Jesus. Giant button down SHORT SLEEVE shirt, ill-fitted dark wash jeans, and these tacky white sneakers. “Ok” I thought, “I can still work with this” but I swear to you he said NOTHING the whole date. I get it bro, you’re nervous and my tits are hanging out a little, just take a breath and talk, but no, this guy was uncomfortably quiet.

I offered to pay for the food but he insisted, like a gentleman. Good call. We ate and he was still just super quiet. I have never depended more on a burrito bowl for entertainment more than this particular moment in my life.

Next stop was the movies. We get up to the cashier and I hand her my coupon ($4 off bitchez) and my membership card, then this dude DOESN’T EVEN FLINCH when she tells us the total. I waited for a beat, then handed the cashier my card and rolled my eyes. For real, dude? It’s the first date and you ain’t even going to pretend to pick up the tab on everything?! I brought the damn coupon! It would have been cheaper for me to pay for our dinner!

I sat and watched Godzilla with this dude for like two hours thinking of all the ways I could just ditch him in the movie, but I didn’t because I’m stupid.

He walked me to my car and said more to me then than he had all night. “How should we end this?” he asked, “We can hug” I said coldly. We hugged and this mother fucker tried to go in for a kiss. Um, excuse the fuck out of you, I don’t think so. 

I feel like I got catfished because this dude was SO charismatic for the month that we texted. Our schedules don’t line up whatsoever so that’s why it took us so long to finally meet, but when we did I was incredibly disappointed. New rule for myself: Meet within a week. I don’t need the unnecessary build-up like this meeting ever again.

Posted 4 months ago with 7 notes

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for real doe
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thatloner said: You're fricking bomb 

Thank you! That really means a lot to me <3

Posted 4 months ago with 0 notes

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Paul came over two nights ago. As soon as I opened the door to my apartment all of these memories and emotions came flooding back from two years ago when we first met. I had almost forgotten what his voice sounded like.

Since then I’ve graduated college and become a teacher.  He’s had a son and gotten divorced. 

My, how things change.

But his face hasn’t. Nothing between us has. Everything feels the same as it was before when he left that note on my car to meet at the lake after work.

That night we watched the sunset and he told me about how much he wanted to run away. Then he kissed me and I felt alive for the first time in so long.

We talked for a long time Sunday night before we made our way to my bedroom, which was much better than those nights in the back of his Civic.

After we finished I showered while he cleaned up and got dressed. I met him in the living room and threw these at him:

Notes I saved from two years ago that he had written to me on the back of his business cards.

I’m going to spend the rest of my night caught up in this glass of vodka and my feelings.

Posted 4 months ago with 5 notes

With the first man I was ever a side chick for.
Why you ask?
‘Cuz bitch, dick too bomb.

Posted 4 months ago with 18 notes

That’s where I’ve been- teaching culinary to high school students everyday. I went to school to be an English teacher, but honestly I just love teaching and learning in any form.
For those of you who said “oh you can’t find a job because KaRmA” can suck an egg. I couldn’t find a job because an even better one was waiting for me.
Good things come to those who work their tits and/or dick off.
Everything is falling into place, and I’m about to have the summer of to get my certifications to become a chef. No man is going to be able to resist me once I’m a certified chef… Cookin’ him meals and givin’ killer bjs…
Can I put that last part on a resume??

Posted 4 months ago with 4 notes

Anonymous said: "He's been cheating the whole time he's been with her with me. She's a 5"10 model from Grenades. When I saw her I asked my self wtf why would he cheat on her with me?... A 5'5 chubby Hispanic girl it doesn't make sense. 

Sometimes they’re attracted to the personality, not the body. Also, should give yourself more credit! I bet you’re a hottie ;)

Posted 4 months ago with 4 notes

Anonymous said: Love love love your tumblr ! 

Thank you! I love YOU

Posted 4 months ago with 0 notes

I haven’t really ever posted about my professional life, so what the hell I might as well start now.

I got my Bachelors in teaching Secondary English in mid December and since then I have been in denial that I’m riding the struggle bus looking for a job; until this month.
I’ve been substituting at the local high schools in my county since graduation and I’ve handed all of them my resume, business card, and dignity. So far this has been their response:

"Fuck you very much. Fuck your rent and your car payment. Fuck your degree. We can’t afford to hire you, let alone show interest in you. Fuck off. Unless we need another sub… Then you may return. Until then, get the fuck off my lawn."

Friday I got a call from one of my regular high schools asking me to cover a culinary class for an entire week! That seriously never happens and I wanted to cry because they went out of their way to offer it to me. Turns out that the teacher quit on Friday and they need someone ASAP. I literally don’t even give a fuck, I went straight down to the office and offered to sub for the class for the rest of the year, then went on the county website and applied for the actual teaching position. 

Cross all of your body parts that I get offered some kind of position. I NEED this job. When I’m not teaching, I’m not living.

Posted 6 months ago with 16 notes